Side job pays for bad habit

A search warrant served at a Goleta home found the suspect, 24, also an employee at a leading fashion retailer in Santa Barbara, lying awake on her bedroom floor. During the 8 a.m. search, deputies found 1.3 grams of methamphetamine, a digital scale, pay-own sheets, and a pipe used for smoking narcotics.

The self-admitted “user,” told investigators she only sells “meth” to make back the money she spends on it.

A pistol found underneath a sink was also seized and booked during the suspect’s arrest for possession of a controlled substance and the selling of narcotics.

I always go out lookinglike this

Unaware of the racy artwork on his face, a pedestrian with a penis painted on his cheek stopped a moving vehicle, asking for directions, as he stumbled along Cervantes Road in Isla Vista. Concerned for his wellbeing, the driver alerted deputies nearby of the inebriated man’s condition and whereabouts.

Deputies easily spotted the subject, who also had the word “cock” scrawled on his forehead, staggering dangerously close to moving traffic at 3 a.m. Evidently unable to care for himself, the 22-year-old was arrested for public intoxication. Still unaware of his artwork, the young man reassured deputies, time and time again, he had not passed-out at a party earlier in the evening.

Would-be escape artist caught in act

Investigating a loud banging noise within the Santa Barbara County Jail, prison personnel re-arrested an inmate for an escape attempt. Deputies found the subject, 25, using a detached metal chair seat to break an opening in the window the size of a fist. In the process of breaking the window, the man had also damaged the cell wall.

“It isn’t fair to get 157 years for robbery,” exclaimed the notably exhausted inmate.
After his re-arrest, the man was transferred to another cell.

Man vs. wild

Unable to find his way home, a lost UCSB student was picked up by deputies along Del Playa Drive. The man, 25, was found stumbling along the roadway at 1 a.m. asking other pedestrians if they could help him find his home.

Appropriately dressed – and stocked – for his expedition, deputies found an open bottle of Hennessy cognac secured in a cargo pant pocket. After the elixir was destroyed at the scene, the man began crying as deputies ended his adventure by arresting him for public intoxication.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here

Upon finding her ex-husband asleep in his vehicle parked in her driveway, a woman contacted authorities. On the scene, just before midnight, deputies found the 69-year-old passed out in the driver’s seat of the car with numerous empty beer cans scattered around him.

Once awakened, the intoxicated man said he had nowhere else to go. Clearly unable to drive, and clearly unwanted passed-out in his former wife’s driveway, he was arrested for public intoxication and transported to jail.

Getting her kicks behind bars

After moving an inmate, 29, to a “dry cell,” a prison room with no toilet or running water, deputies searching a woman’s possessions found an uncapped hypodermic needle. The woman, who’d been previously suspected of hiding narcotics and paraphernalia in her jail cell, was cited for harboring the illegal contraband in her jacket pocket.

Burgled in the ’burbs

Nearly $5,000 worth of personal belongings stolen from Windsor Way home earlier this month remains missing. The burglary occurred sometime between noon and 8 p.m. The victim told investigators she returned home to find various closet and chest drawers ajar. She soon found the screen to her bedroom window broken and removed; apparently the point of entry for the burglar.

Items stolen included a television, laptop computer, and miscellaneous jewelry.