There’s no law against being nice to a dog

Amid an unruly crowd of bar patrons outside a Calle Real drinking establishment, a 21-year-old female was arrested for “willfully teasing” a deputy’s canine. The woman, who claims she was simply “blowing kisses” at the pooch, had been told twice to discontinue the affectionate distraction agitating the dog.

Through tears, during her arrest, the emotional university student yelled, “I was only blowing kisses at the dog.”

After transporting the subject to Santa Barbara County Jail, according to the report, the arresting deputy was informed by custody personnel that the woman’s offense was not “bookable within the Santa Barbara jail facility.” As a result, the subject was issued a citation and released from detention just before 3:30 a.m.

You can go home again

Acting peculiarly, a young man, 18, continued to walk in and out of the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department main station. When contacted, the suspicious subject was unable to provide his own name to authorities nor did he know where he was.

Noting dilated pupils, deputies suspected the man to be under the influence of a controlled substance. When asked to perform a routine urine test, the subject replied, “All pee is dirty.”

After his arrest, during a search of his property, deputies found a form indicating he’d been released from jail the day prior.

Evildoers in Hope Ranch

A man and woman are wanted for assault with a deadly weapon after a patrol vehicle in Hope Ranch was rammed by their vehicle and they fled the scene, abandoning their car on a dead-end road near a reservoir.

The victim, a private security patrol officer, had to jump into a planter box avoiding being struck by the couple’s vehicle in the deadly getaway. As noted in the report, the victim had contacted the subjects as they sat parked after dark in a no parking zone.

At 8:40 p.m., upon contact with the couple and noting a “chemical type odor,” the officer demanded the female passenger roll down her window. At the same moment, the driver started the vehicle and backed directly into the front end of the patrol vehicle. The driver rammed the vehicle a second time before speeding away from the scene.

A car chase led to a dead end road, where the couple abandoned their vehicle, leaving on-foot. Using clues left at the scene and inside the car, investigators are working to find the suspects.

Delaying the inevitable

Admitting he’d consumed “a couple of beers,” a driver, pulled over for failing to make a complete stop at a sign on Hollister Avenue just before 3 a.m. said he just wanted to get his inebriated girlfriend home. Because he had burped within the previous 15 minutes, he was told he’d have to wait another 15 minutes before he could take the required Breathalyzer test and be released if he passed it.

The 15-minute wait, however, proved too long for his female friend, who began vomiting at the scene. As the wait came to an end, the man took the breath test twice, failing both times. The vehicle was secured and both subjects were transported to jail.

The 28 grams of marijuana found in the center console of the vehicle were booked as evidence.

Say what?

“I do not like your attitude,” the anonymous caller said in a threatening message left on a voice mailbox belonging to a local news celebrity.

The unknown jerk is wanted for harassment with the use of an electronic device.

Stolen firearm recovered on Fairview

A man, 21, in possession of a stolen firearm concealed in his backpack, was arrested just after 11 p.m. in the 100 block of South Fairview Avenue. The subject and five others had been detained after deputies were called to the scene to investigate a “fight in progress.”

Once on the scene and after a short foot chase, deputies apprehended all subjects for questioning. All six, found to be under the influence of alcohol, were arrested and searched, whereupon the stolen, unloaded semi-automatic handgun was uncovered.

Using the California Law Enforcement Telecommunications System, investigators learned the handgun had been reported stolen in Fort Worth, Texas.

The oldest detained subject said he carries it for “protection from gangs.” He was arrested and transported to jail.

His lucky day

A man barely able to stand, let alone drive, was detained outside a Calle Real watering hole by a security guard until law enforcement could arrive on the scene — keeping the 62-year-old from getting behind the wheel of his car.

Deputies met with the intoxicated subject at 1:50 a.m. Saying he wanted to go gambling at a casino, he slurred, “You can rest assure, there’s a woman involved here somewhere.”

It was noted in the report that the Thousand Oaks resident appeared to be traveling alone. He was arrested for public intoxication.

Dine and dash

The Meat Lovers Breakfast and the Heartland Scramble were only two of the meals that went unpaid for when a table of five juveniles left the Calle Real diner skipping out on their bill. Although unable to see the license plate number, the waitress said she saw the subjects flee the scene in a “newer Volkswagen beetle.”

The burglary occurred at 2:20 p.m. leaving behind an unpaid food bill of $55.